Obesity in America

Ok so, I wanted to write this entry to point out the rising obesity epidemic in America…among purses. Everywhere I look, the purses are getting larger and larger. I’m afraid to see how obese purses will be when our children and our children’s children grow up. I have managed to categorize purse sizes into five groups; perhaps this research will help someone, somewhere, find a cure for this overlooked issue. And the five groups are as follows:

The Clutch – The Anorexic one of the group.
So small, you almost forget you’re carrying it. Just carries the essentials.• Cash Money
• Credit cards
• ID
• Chapstick
• A few sticks of gum
• House & car keys

The Mini – The one who can eat everything but never gains a pound.
Also carries the essentials along with some extras, but it also hangs on your shoulder.

• Wallet
• Lip gloss
• Perfume
• Tic-tacs
• Keys
• Modest-sized cell phone

The Average – Not too thin, Not too fat.
Carries things you need and things you could do without.

• Full wallet with checkbook insert
• A pen
• Crackberry phone
• Compact, lipstick, eyeliner
• Tampons
• Pack of gum
• Several pieces of candy
• Band-aids
• Keys

The Pear – Hip measurement is greater than the bust. (Also, she eats a little more than she should).
You don’t know how to tell her that she’s gained a little weight. You have to switch arms because she forms a dent in your shoulder. You’ve clearly lost track of the contents. You often find yourself saying, “I think I have that.”

• A clutch purse doubling as a wallet
• Checkbook
• Tampons
• Make-up
• Portable Tissues
• Tape measure
• Safety pins
• An umbrella
• Crayons
• Nail clippers & file
• More keys than necessary
• Granola bar
• A Notebook
• The novel, “The Notebook”
• Ipod Nano
• Sunglasses
• Iphone
• Pocket knife


The Chub – Complains about her weight but still super-sizes.
The Mary Poppins of bags. Could possibly fit a kitchen sink if a situation deemed necessary. Larger than a carry-on bag. More pockets than a pair of cargo pants. On the plus side, you could probably survive on the contents of the bag in the event that you’re stuck in your car for 3-5 days.

• Iphone
• Keys (including your spares & your neighbors spares)
• Wallet
• Checkbook
• Coin purse
• Photographs
• Digital Camera
• Ipod Video
• A Planner
• Pretzels, granola bar, bottle of water, packs of gum, bag of chips
• Pens, pencils, crayons
• A Novel or two with a booklight
• Toothbrush, toothpaste, floss
• Makeup bag
• Sunglasses & reading glasses
• TomTom
• Lotion & Hand sanitizer
• Calculator
• Umbrella
• Brush, comb & hairspray
• A cocktail of pills
• Emergency sew kit
• First Aid kit
• Deck of cards
• Packets of Equal
• A couple of magazines
• Pair of socks, gloves & hat
• Extra Cardigan
• A Mini purse
• And, last but not least, your dog

So tell us, what kind of purse do you have? Do you think your purse needs to go on a diet? Do you really think you need to carry around that package of Mac n’ Cheese? Or the empty flask from god knows when? Do you think you should carry a tire iron with you at all times? I know there’s a pocket equipped with safety buckles & baby Lily can fit in there but have you ever heard of a Baby Bjorn? 2 cans of baked beans. Really? If you have to walk through a door sideways because there aint no way you’re both going to fit through, you need two hands to carry it, and it takes you longer than 5 seconds to retrieve your wallet, chances are, your bag needs downsizing.