Security Checkpoint Closed, Come Back L8TR

Eye opening facts that I learned from my fall vacation.
1.) Security checkpoints in small-town airports open at 9 a.m., not one minute before. "Checkpoint opens at 9 a.m. - Come Back L8TR"

2.) The airplane seat in front of you can also be used as a napkin. Yes, this was proven to me by the lovely 55 year old woman sitting next to me who used the seatback in front of her as a peanut crumb/salt napkin. She would reach her hand into her ziploc bag of peanuts, throw the fistful of snacks into her mouth then proceed to wipe the palms of her hands and finger tips, from the top down, on the seat in front of her. The very gross part...she kept returning her airplane seat smudged hand back into her bag of peanuts for more salty goodness...and the cycle continued.
3.) Do not take refuge at TGI Fridays in Dallas airport if you want some quiet time to read your new Jen Lancaster book in between flights. The fraternity boys who are on a boys trip to see sporting events (woo hoo, go team!) will definitely interrupt your reading by screaming at one of the nineteen tv's showing sports.
4.) Wealthy WASPS love tall, thin, blondes. And will tell you openly and honestly how nice it is to see a thin person in the sea of obese Americans traveling.
5.) Married couples with children never seem to have the foresight to book two seats TOGETHER on any given flight and will ask you to move from the comfy aisle seat to a cramped window seat. You will feel guilty, and you will give up your coveted seat.