Amazing Alignments

And then I visited my chiropractor and all was right in the world again.





Two weeks ago I made the mistake of trying a challenging yoga position. I have been doing yoga for years, ever since I was around 15 years old and consider myself knowledgeable in this exercise. Not educated enough it seems, because side plank pose beat my butt, more specifically tore my back muscle surrounding my L1 and L2 disk in the middle of my back and popped a vertebrae out of alignment.

The night of the exercise, please note: My first time doing yoga in about one month, I felt a little out of shape, and stopped the yoga immediately, drank an enormous glass of water, and mentally berated myself for being so out of shape that I couldn't do yoga as normal. I went on with the night as any lazy person would do, movie, cleaning then reading before bed. The next morning, my back hated me, with a deep seeded passion. I could not move, breathe, or even scream in agony because every time I took a deep breath to scream it was debilitating. Behold my first torn muscle. I feel very blessed to have had most of the diseases/injuries that are normally held for the elderly at a very young age. Shingles age 18, bulged disk age 17, torn muscle age 26. I tell ya, I'm on a roll here.

After laying in bed for a half an hour trying to think of
1.) What I did to hurt myself so badly?
2.) How to get out of bed without passing out from pain?
3.) What will I do if I can't get out of bed all day today?

Realizing that I can pull a 'mind over matter' with the physical pain I got up slowly and had zen like concentration, found my phone, called some people for help and I was on my way into the shower to loosen my muscles and make myself ready for the chiropractor. I winced at every step but was a warrior, I admit I was pretty proud of myself. After showering and downing the legal limit of Aleve one could take at once I propped myself up on the couch, wrapped in my fluffy robe with dripping wet hair and evaluated the situation. I realized yoga was to blame and the sight of the Namaste Yoga DVD set laying on my TV set my heart a blaze with anger. I limped over to it and threw it on the ground, (hey I needed some emotional drugs too and this was exactly it).

I carefully dried my hair with a towel and put on the most comfortable pair of jeans and top I could find that would let me go braless, I don't do bras when I have spine pain-it's total BS.

My ride arrived to my place and helped me in the car, we made our way to the chiropractor and I shook my head every so often in disbelief of my new and fabulous injury. The chiropractor welcomed me and informed me I had torn my muscle, and a vertebrae out of place in the same area where I had a chronic injury/weakness from when I was seventeen. Yay for me! He aligned my spine and sent me on my way with Ligaplex glandulars (best invention since Kombucha tea), a cold compress, and a business card with the next week blocked out with appointments with him.

Since then I have been laying low and hoping to heal, lots of movies, lots of lifetime, and tons of grapes to alkalinize my body. Shopping has lost its zeal since I cannot lift anything to purchase. Cooking has become unnecessary and I've grown fond of one skillet meals like Bertoli pasta bags. I have also become the scary no makeup girl that checks her mail and winces with every step. Creepy!

Healing is happening though, thank goodness and it's thanks to my chiropractor. I must say how amazing are spine alignments, huh? My chiropractor saved my back!

Until the next back injury boomerang bandits,

E Bandit

I bet there are many people out there that have benefited from spine alignments that read our blog, feel free to post your fabulous success story on this blog's comment section.

Come again?

Okay so, I have come to terms with the fact that I'm an irritable person.  If I find something that bugs me, it'll likely bug me for the entirety of my life.  I've always considered myself to be somewhat tolerant but I suppose this post would prove otherwise...  There are things that people say, things that people do, things that people DON'T do that I find rather...annoying, for lack of a better word.  It takes a lot of tongue biting and closed-eye-rolling for me to work past my issues.  Without further ado, I present to you my list of annoying terms/phrases in no particular order:

• When people say, "What's that?" (A LOT!)  - now, I believe it's common knowledge for those of you who know me that I tend to mumble - I am aware.  As a result, when people can't hear me or need me to repeat what I had just mumbled, I noticed many people on many occasions saying, "What's that?" I guess if it bugs me that much, I should either make a conscious effort to change my 24yr old habit (or however long I've been able to talk) and speak more clearly and perhaps a little bit louder, OR maybe people should just...drop the "'s that?" and just say "What?"
• When people say, "You know what I mean?" (After every sentence) - I guess I'm just being a bitch and should just not care but it's not that simple.  You see, I'm ok with that term being used at the end of a long drawn out story.  I'm even ok with it being used after every 6th sentence.  What I'm not ok with is the fact that "You know what I mean?"  has seemingly taken the place of "like" (which I think I, like, say sometimes.)  and therefore is used after every single sentence and in many cases, MID-sentence.  When it's being used 100 times in one conversation, I just find myself becoming increasingly annoyed and thinking, "if I didn't know what you meant, I would say so..." but by me thinking that, I'm clearly not listening to the conversation at hand and find myself not knowing what you mean... 
• "It's whatever" - oh good god, I think this may be one of the most annoying phrases ever invented.  Can I just ask you something?  WHAT is whatever?  I certainly am not whatever, the situation doesn't seem to be whatever, is she whatever?  I just don't get why you're saying that or how that phrase has come to be.  I'd like to find the tree from which this phrase has fallen and RIP that tree out by the roots...can you just say, "it is what it is" ?  Because that makes sense...if that's what you're trying to say, then just...say it.  IT is not whatever...it is not...
•  "Swagger" - I believe Randy Jackson, of American Idol, can be held responsible for wearing the hell out of this word - oh yeah, and EVERY single hip-hop song released last year.
  
• "Drawling, Samwich, & SupposaBly" - Why people put letters where they don't belong is beyond me. That's right folks, I know of people who still think these are actually words; GROWN adults, no less.
• "Aks" (or Ax - as in "Aks him if he wants to go") - Do people think it's cool to purposely mispronounce a word?  that's crazy...
• "ROFL & FML" -I'm not sure why these bug me but they do.  Maybe because I had to google them to figure out what they meant and then when I found out, it made me that much more annoyed.

I'm sure there are PLENTY more that I could come up with but I'll spare you - we've just touched the tip of the iceberg my friends.

New Segment

Boomerang Bandits introduce a new segment

Pessimistic Patty

Wonderful, wonderful Winter...

The Boomerang Bandits would like to Welcome another Guest Bandit; The K Bandit.  She's cool, she's hip, she's "with it."  She's formal, but she likes to party.  She's a buckeye fan but don't hold that against her. She's SUPER wisdomous - obviously our identities are kept under wraps but I wouldn't be surprised if she ended up being the next President of the United States.  She's not a Maverick so you can rule out Sarah Palin.

Why Winter is the Crappiest Season Of the Year

1. You get fat - No matter what you do winter is cold. What does that mean… Well a few things. First, we sit inside on our couches in sweats and hoodies cuddled up in our favorite blanket trying to stay warm. Not to mention all of the great TV that is available in the winter. No movement needed or wanted for those activities. All of this means 10 lbs instantly because COLD=NO Exercise.
2. Snow – Yeah Yeah you might say it is pretty but beneath that pretty white exterior there is white death. Case in Point. Snow hates my jeans. No matter what you do, the bottom of your jeans will be wet for the first hour of work. I hate that. Also everyone during the winter months knows that you don’t wash your jeans regularly because of the stupid salt line that sits on the bottom of your jeans. Finally, the white death means road rage. People go nuts. You know its coming when the weather men/women predict snow …slow traffic. That twenty minute commute is now 3 hours. Ugghhh 
3. Hats – Don’t get me wrong I LOVE HATS. But they are not conducive for work hair. So everyday of winter there is always that inner struggle. Do I keep my head warm on my walk from the car to work and have messy/frizzy hair all day long or Freeze my ears off and still have messy hair all day long. No one looks good with hat hair.

Thanks winter for nothing...

Sincerely,
Cold Ohio Resident

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

C Bandit here - If I may, I would like to add to this post because, like K Bandit, I too want Old Man Winter committed - padded walls, straight-jacket, the whole shabang.  I've accumulated my own list of Winter Unpleasantries: 

1. Freezing Temps - I tend to find a way to stay inside when I know the weather is going to take a turn for the worst.  Unfortunately, some people don't have that luxury, and moreover, some CARS don't have that luxury.  So in my brief and unwelcoming stay in the mean streets of Chicago, I was too busy with school to look after my Cobalt and I had to leave her to fend for herself.  During one of the many bone-chilling cold spells in the windy city, I let Cobalt sit to collect ice and snow - a decision I would later regret.  Like a leech, the ice and snow had permanently attached itself to my car.  BRIGHT IDEA?  Turn on the defroster - it'll DEFROST that shit right off.  Minutes later, it had loosened the ice but it also took it's toll and CRACKED my windshield beyond repair...thank you OMW...I owe you one. 
   
   
   
   ***SIDE NOTE***
   extreme cold + extreme defroster + tiny crack in glass = cracky cracky
   
   
   
   
2. Ice - I don't mind the ice on the street as much as I mind the ice on my car.  The ice on the street, for the most part, is taken care of.  As for the ice on the car, it brings me back to my first point but for this bullet point, let's say the ice that doesn't crack the windshield.  Not only do you have to find appropriate hand protection, but you have to have the right weapon for destroying the cold sheet or you're going to find yourself outside prepping your car for departure for a good 15-20 minutes. As a result, you'll either be that much later for work or you're going to have to plan and wake up early which NOBODY in their right minds would enjoy.  
   
3. Dry Skin - our poor poor skin...like the dried crackled ground of Death Valley, our skin is gritty enough to sand that bench you've been meaning to refinish.  Not even cocoa butter can save it.  You're just going to have to deal with the rough carpenter hands for the winter season.
4. Gloom & Doom - A day without the sun is a day without the fun.  There's something about gray and dreary days that unmotivates even the most motivated people.  Only the strong persevere.  I've got a mean case of the S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder) - it's real and it's taken another victim.  How anyone can think that a sea of white, disgusting, cold, wet blanket of despair can be pretty is beyond me.  
   

Lookin' like a fool with your pants on the ground

No Bail Policy

One of my pet peeves has to be bailing. Last minute cancelling on plans, especially plans with friends...not cool. This is why I am now implementing a strict no bail policy. My current rantings come from a long bail themed month.

FYI: I will no longer accept rain checks as payment for bailings.

Exhibit A: Just moved to a condo, need help painting and decorating. Who do I call on? Cookie of course, she's great at shopping for home decor and making light of any serious situations such as getting paint on newly purchased furniture. Issue: Cookie can't make it b/c instead she decided to paint some rooms in her house the same exact day/weekend. End Result: So, I say whatev. and am happy that she is making progress in her own place.

Exhibit B: Ex bf/friend we shall call Playboy asks to get together for dinner and to come over to hang out at my new place, mainly to prove we can be just friends and no funny stuff will happen. Issue: Too bad we didn't get to prove ourselves strictly platonic, b/c he cancels a half hour before he is supposed to show because he isn't feeling well (sore throat or something). End Result: I am pissed because it is so last minute and I already showered and did my makeup but say whatever and go shopping for new movies at Blockbuster.

Exhibit C: Cookie was invited a second time to my new place, she has yet to see it. I am stoked that we can have some girl time and I still need decorating advice. Issue: Someone's birthday is happening this weekend and Cookie needs to attend, so this weekend will not work for her.
End Result: I tell her okay and in the future the plan making responsibility is up to her b/c her schedule is not as open as mine.

Exhibit D: Ex bf/friend Playboy rescheduled dinner for a weeknight, offered to pay because he felt bad about bailing last time. Issue: I get a call at my desk from him early afternoon cancelling because, surprise surprise, he doesn't feel well again. P.S. This guy needs some major fruits and veggies because he's a mess. End Result: He aplogizes and swears he will make it up to me. Bullshit, but whatever, I say okay and make a mental note never to accept his loaded dinner invites again.

Exhibit E: Many other weekday invites to friends that are unable to attend only after they accept.

That concludes my ranting.


Thank you but my schedule is booked solid,
E Bandit.

Mawwiage is what brings us togevaa...

Before you jump to conclusions and assume that this is an upbeat story about an engagement, I can assure you, it is not.  Lately I've noticed my increasing interest in the marital status of celebrities and pretty much any and everyone I encounter.  Are they married? Who are they dating?  Are they engaged? etc. etc.  I'm not sure what initiated this interest - perhaps it due to the fact that everyone around me is either in a serious and committed relationship, already married &/or they're pretty far up the path of adulthood and I feel like I'm stuck at the gate because I'm not tall enough to pass.  Whatever it is, this borderline obsession has pretty much soaked up a good chunk of time that I could've otherwise spent on more productive things.  Nevermind the fact that I have to get my car fixed and file for Financial Aid, I've GOT to find out who Rihanna is dating now (Matt Kemp).  [P.S.  Thank you Whosdatedwho.com and Wikipedia for helping me find the answers.]

Matt Kemp's Match.com Commercial - watch more funny videos

I could sit here and analyze the meaning of my so called, "obsession."  I could point out the obvious and tell you that I've got marriage on the brain and the realization that maybe the reality of it is that I've never really cared or thought about it as much as I have recently and maybe I should start thinking about it more seriously because I'm not getting any younger.  But, I'm a firm believer in fate and believe that everything happens for a reason and the fact that I am in the position that I am in is solely due to the Gods of Fate and their game of chess that is my life - I'm merely the Bishop in the corner waiting for my turn.  Or maybe I'm not even kind of close - whatever.

So, I was watching, or rather listening to the Music Channels on TV about a week ago and while you would think that this has nothing to do with the topic at hand, it does.  The channel I was listening to has a segment called "Music Choice Showoff" in which you, the listener and viewer, can send in a message via text or instant message.  Cool idea right?  I mean who wouldn't want to send a random text message to a music show and have random people reading it?!? You'd be crazy NOT to send one right?  Well, the channel clearly stated

Evidently, I was bored on this particular day and sat (with camera in hand) reading these messages.  They were what you'd expect to read:

• Messages that require decoding (don't even get me started on abbreviating and substituting whilst texting)

• Cheesy messages
  

•  Hilarious messages that, if you think about, how could you even be sure that the person in which you are intending to speak to, is even going to read it?   And on top of that, why not send the text DIRECTLY to the person?  Crazy thought, but it just might work.
  

• And then, after less than an hour listening and reading, I was astonished and generally amused to find the following messages
  

 

I'm not really sure where to start on this one...  you can't really make this stuff up.  I'm not one for knocking technology - I mean, without technology, this blog wouldn't exist.  Texting is amazing if you don't have much to say and you don't want to talk to someone in person or on the phone.  Instant messaging is also good for that.  Hell, even an occasional Facebook message beats a phone call.  But technology has made us all incredibly impersonal.  However, I, personally, do not think that texting an acceptable media by which to propose marriage.  That's kind of where I would draw the line.

#1)  I can only hope that the proposer is above the age of 18 yrs old in which case would also think that the thought of sending in a message to this show, or any show for that matter, is rather juvenile.

c.)  How can one believe in their heart of hearts that a texted proposal is romantic?  If this is as creative as our generation can be, we're in trouble.

viii.)  Imagine all the other Jake's and Marlayna's out there reading said proposal and are completely ecstatic because their significant other has just proposed to them, only, it wasn't their significant other who just proposed, it was you.  You may have single-handedly ruined multiple relationships by presenting false hopes.

Anyways, I guess there's really no point to this post...so I'm going to end this like a bad paper and say, "IN closing, if ever you're interested in finding out the marital status of celebrities, refer to the aforementioned websites.  Also, if ever you find yourself saying to yourself, "hey, I think it's time to propose," I recommend NOT proposing via text on Music Choice Showoff...