Mr. Pink

Searching for love, true love at least, is difficult, almost impossible some may say. It is essentially what the world is all searching for, someone to share their life with. Throughout my love quest I have found very distinct partners. One a musician, one a military man turn prisoner, there was even a furniture salesman somewhere in the mix, all equally short coming with their relationship abilities. Therefore, turning to another supplier, other than father fate, I subscribed to an internet dating site. I know, very Dateline, however, it actually seemed to be worth the $49.95 per month...at first. In the beginning there were scads of eligible young men, all decent looking and seeming to all be searching for "a nice girl to share their life with". Slowly the supply dwindled however, but not before I was matched with a 32 year old sales manager whom we shall call Mr. Pink. This Mr. Pink swept me off my feet not only to surprise weekend get-a-ways and bed and breakfasts but also to be swiftly introduced to his friends, and even his mommy dearest, whom we will discuss in more detail later on in this tale.

Mr. Pink was a very quirky man, he was an amateur golfer in his free time, a sales account manager during the day, and a rock band manager at night. He always wore pink when he played golf, dubbed his lucky color by himself. Mr. Pink also was an extremely clean person, trimmed his entire body of hair so that it was not unkempt and kept his very bachelore-like condo immaculate. His routine was rarely changed, he even laid out his clothing for the next day the night before. His daily scheduled is as follows: Sports center in the morning, cereal, shower, then off to work, after work came his nightly nap, ramen soup and specialty sandwich for dinner which he concoted all on his own, as well as ironing, laundry, then golf practice, e-mail answering, and finally bed. In order to fall asleep, however, he needed his sleep mask and to be lulled to sleep by stand-up comedy playing through earphones from his Iphone. Yes folks, this was indeed a very scheduled man.

Certainly facts about his life made me uneasy, the four visits to the risque resort Hedonism (all visited as a virgin), the loss of his virginity at a ripe old age of 24, and the fact that he had never made love without the use of a condom. All of these painted a troubled picture of someone who was uncomfortable in their own skin, however, he was very put together and stable in his outward life. A home owner with a steady job, no piercings, tattoos, children, or ex-wives I saw him as the unicorn most women seek to find, granted the unicorn had a birth defect and was limping.

Over the course of four months the relationship fizzled out. Not as romantic as once he was portrayed to be, certainly not as caring as I was once told, Mr. Pink fell in ranks from the perfect boyfriend to a very cold fish in all aspects of the relationship. I eventually saw first-hand the entirely too close for comfort of a relationship he had with his mother. The multiple daily phone calls to his mother was sweet, the constant time they spent together seemed suspect, and finally the pinch on the butt he gave his mother on one of our vacations with her sent my gag reflux into overdrive. Suddenly I understood why this now 33 year old man was still unmarried, never once loved a woman, and never had any serious relationships to speak of.

Perhaps fate cannot be toyed with and in the end love cannot be searched for with an online checklist...sorry dating websites, you lose.