And the Award goes to...

In the midst of Hollywood Award Season, I can't help but favor the Grammys.  Sure the Golden Globes are okay.  The Academy Awards are entertaining.  But The Grammys take the cake.  It's a fun-loving, rockin' good time.  I watched the 2+hr show and I can honestly only remember maybe 5 awards given.  With an Award to Performance ratio of 1 to 5, you'd be crazy if you didn't watch it.  They know what the people want and what the people want are performances.  As I sat and watched said award show, I was envious of the audience.  I would kill to be in the sweaty-pit-screaming-teen-mosh pit.  So I got to thinkin', How does one score a ticket to THE Grammys?  First of all, I am clearly not the first person to Google the question.  Secondly, there's a section on the Grammy site dedicated to answering such inquiries and they were not the answers I wanted to hear.  However, my fellow bandit and I have devised a fool-proof plan:     

Grammys 2011

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A few days late but I’m watching the Grammys.  You’re right, the performances are crazy!  It’s more concert than an award show.  Let’s go next year!
               
 



Ok, how do we make that happen?
 


Probably going to have to sleep with a famous persons assistant…and since you’re married, I’ll take one for the team. 
                We can at least make sure it’s a COOL famous person’s assistant.
Definitely.  It says you have to be an associate or a voting member of the academy in order to buy tickets.  WTF?!?  In other words, it’s invitation only…
                How do we become voting members?
Hahaha I’m reading the qualifications and it’s not looking good…unless we can crank out a platinum album by November, not even a signed note from God would help us.  So…let’s get recording!
                What’s our genre?
I’m thinking we could create a new genre: hip-jazz-hop-pop
                Can you sing?  Because I can’t…might need to synthesize it.
I think we can pull a Milli-Vanilli.  How do you feel about that?
                I’m down.  When can we get studio time?
Let's make our own.  Egg cartons and Roxio Music Creator is all we need yo.
                Let's do it.
It’s a pretty elaborate scheme to get a ticket to the Grammys but it might be crazy enough to work.
                I can do a mean beat box.
Aww shit – all we need is a dancer and a singer and we have triple threat power!  I’m pretty sure I was a wizard on the ol’ triangle.  It’s all starting to come together.
                MORE COWBELL!!!  I know someone who can sing and play the guitar!
Yeah!  He can be the front-man and we can be the Doo Wop girls snapping our fingers and swaying in the background pretending to sing!

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Best idea ever.