C Bandit takes ______

Welcome to the beginning of the "C Bandit takes Europe" series.

I wrote some of these while in Europe so let's jump in the time machine and find out what happened.

*****

It’s going to be hard to distill all of the events that have taken place over the last two months but I’m going to give it a try since I’m in the airport with no internet, no one to talk to and nothing to do.

Well thus far, I've only been to London, various parts of France and Switzerland.  My analysis will be slightly skewed because I spent the majority of my time in France; Paris to be exact.  here are some things I have observed in my brief time here:

• EVERYONE smokes.  Children who HAD to be about 14 were definitely smoking.  To compare it to something in the US, it's as normal as chewing gum.
• The French are people watchers and they don't try to hide it.  All of the chairs at restaurants face the street as opposed to your company.  If you're a pedestrian walking past, you're on stage.
• The BIG GULP would not be a big hit in France.  Their larges are the equivalent to the US kiddie size or just an ordinary small at best.  If you order a large, don't be surprised if you have to order several in order to quench your thirst.  And Americans wonder why we're obese... What do they think when they come to America for the first time and they stop at Speedway for a quick cafe and they are face-to-face with a 70oz. cup as the smallest size...  
• COKE is like a top shelf drink.  I hate Coke; never really liked it.  But it sounded good to me in the sweltering heat so I had to pick and choose when I should and should not get it.  To order a Coke at a restaurant can cost one anywhere from 2 Euro to 5 Euro.  With the current exchange rate, this equates to roughly $2.80 to $7.  You have to REALLY want it.
• There is a SHORTAGE OF DR PEPPER! This hurt - oh it hurt badly.  Europeans don't know what they're missing!  Well, I found some in Switzerland and you can bet I jumped on that! And then again in London. Oh sweet sweet Dr. Pepper, my life is so incomplete without you.
• Pee for free?  You've gone mad!  Americans don't know how good they have it.  You know when you're on a road trip and you stock up on soda and unhealthy snacks?  As a result, you have to also go to the restroom every few hours.  Imagine having to pay every single time you had to pee...not worth it!  Grant it, Europeans aren't big on cross country road trips (somewhat of an assumption) due to the fact that they have trains and cheap RyanAir at their disposal.  However, if you're walking the streets of Paris and you suddenly feel that you must use the restroom because of the $7 coke that you just drank, don't think that you can just walk into the nearest Tabac shop and make a tinkle without payin' for it.  I can't count how many times I had to use the restroom but in order to do that, I had to order a cafe.  Does that sound counterintuitive?  It is.  Gotta do what you gotta do though.
• Pee IN a toilet?  You're crazy.  There is the one thing that I will not soon forget.  When you imagine walking down the picturesque streets of Paris, you see the cobblestones, the family owned Patisserie, and the trend-setting citizens walking down the streets.  When you think of the smells, you think fresh pastries, doner kababs, and...whatever you think the French eat.  Let me just say that while these smells may actually exist in Paris, they are typically masked by the smell of fresh (and sometimes stale) Piss.  Does this surprise and disgust you?  I think disgust about covers it.  You might be thinking that this piss probably isn't as evident as I'm making it out to be and also that the pee is from the dogs and the bums.  You're partially correct but I really honestly think that the spread is EASILY 50% animal, 50% human (not exclusively bums).  I would say the favored location for the pissing would have to be stairs.  Maybe they like to watch the trail flow down the stairs like a slinky - I don't know?  But for whatever reason, that's where I found the smell was most pungent.  I think it's safe to say that the bums choose the Metra stops for their business.
• Cars are smaller too.  In a country drowning in SUV's, it's really weird to go to Countries where the average size of a car is the size of a Ford Focus hatchback.  The public transportation is seemingly much easier in Paris than driving so I saw several cars near my apartment that had never moved in the two months.  They actually had crap on, about, and around the vehicle from various animals and I'm guessing some human.  Their tires were at risk of deterioration from the weekly street cleaning.  Yes, as mentioned earlier, the excessive feces and urine in the streets make it necessary for Paris to flood the gutters with water on a weekly basis.  I don't actually think that it helped the situation much - I actually think it's a huge waste of water but it's a good effort on their part.  At least they're aware of it.
• The French ARE actually not that nice.  Their reputation holds true.  I mean, they didn't look at us with disgust and spit in our faces, but they didn't necessarily smile at you as you walked past either.  You know the courtesy smile you give strangers if your glances cross and you want to alleviate the awkwardness?  Yeah, if your glances cross in France, it's a stand off - usually the American has to break the glance because a smile won't cut it.  One night we went to a club/bar and as a reflex, if we have to ask/say something to a French native, we usually ask them if they speak English. "Parlez-vous anglais?"  Well, let's just say, the bouncer wasn't happy.  I don't know much French but what he said was very easy to translate: "Pffft!! Speak English? You are in France, you should speak French!"  After this little ordeal, I tried to put myself in his shoes - he's kind of right.  We expect people to learn English here so why is it any different.  I imagine how we sound to them when all we know is pointing at a menu and the words YES and COFFEE.  
• "Good evening sir, our specials are filet mignon with a side of sweet potato mash and mushroom and onion gravy.  Can I start you off with an appetizer?"
• [points at croissant] "and...COFFEE!!?"
• "..." 
• Food?  Not the best in France.  I never had anything that made me stop and say, "WOW, that was delicious!"  The best meal I had was in Marseille and that was likely because I ordered a fresh steak salad after ordering a nasty 5 euro street sub for 4 weeks straight and I actually felt like I got my money's worth. 
• Food PART II: I'm not a fan of raw meat.  I'm not really sure how you can eat something that's still bleeding.  When I order a hamburger and I say Medium Well, I expect a deader than dead piece of meat on my plate that is cooked to perfection and just short of being overcooked.  When I order a hamburger and I say Well Done (because I learned from experience in France) in France, they give me something that looks like a burger but I can assure you, they've just handed me a seared Hamburger tar tar.  When I took my first bite, the thing Moo'd at me and oozed with blood. VERY unappetizing and the root of why I think food ala the French...how do you say...SUCKS!
• Everything looked better at night.  We went to everything during the day for our class but we were told on most occasions that we should come back at night.  I didn't actually make it back to most things at night but when I did, they were definitely correct.  The Metra closed semi early and believe it or not, the streets are necessarily safe to walk at night, alone, as a girl.  Anyways, the Eiffel Tower is crazy cool at night; as is the Seine.  There's something about the greenish glow of the street lights that made things look cooler.

I could make many more observations but if I did that, this would never get posted cause I could add to it every day.  Like I said, most of these observations apply to France but I could extend the list if I added Italy...

until then,

C Bandit