Leisureville 101

Working at a retirement facility can have its perks. These being hilarious stories to share on your blog.

Leisureville 101 is an educational course on what it's like to grow older and how elderly get away with everything.

The 'elderlies', as the Hispanic restaurant manager calls them, create quite a bit of problems in the restaurant at the facility. When they're not fighting over which woman gets to sit with which man at dinner, men pass away first which means scary women to men ratios, they're falling asleep at the dinner table. Such is the case with 84 year old Harry, who unfortunately is slightly narcoleptic and tends to doze during his meal. Harry falls asleep at dinner, which wouldn't be so disastrous if he didn't slowly slide down in his chair and pull the entire tablecloth with flatware and table settings with him. By the time he hits the floor his dinner is all over him and the plates and glasses are all broken to bits.

As we move on to the nightly movie in the cinema we reach another dangerous situation. It seems there are too few seats available for this movie showing and the group of Jewish women self-titled as 'The Divas' are saving the last seat open for one of their own divas. Mr. Bernstein walks into the cinema unsuspecting and takes a seat in the last chair that unbeknownst to him is being saved. The Divas immediately scream at poor Mr. Bernstein to move, he rightfully declines to leave, this was a grave mistake. The Divas attack, one uses her cane to womp him on the head, the second Diva pulls on his arm to move, and the third Diva unhooks her dog's leash from his neck and begins to use it as a whip to rap him on his head. Mr. Bernstein moves out of The Diva's zone and retreats to a safe area. The Divas win again.

All of these stories come directly from the residents' actual events. You can't possibly make this stuff up. Every day I am amazed at how they can outdo each other with the wackiness that is aging and dementia. For example, it is not uncommon for a resident to call the local police in to take a theft report for a missing blouse and a missing pencil. Go ahead mull that over for a second...I'll wait. A blouse! And a pencil! That's it. May I add that 99% of the time they sent out the missing item of clothing for dry cleaning. So essentially they called the police to report a stolen pencil. The local police are so patient with us. I love them.

I sincerely hope that when I get older and dementia starts to set it. I wake up every day anew and enjoy my crazy wacky time instead of letting it get me down. More nutty stories to follow the blog would be 50 pages long if I documented all of their shenanigans in one posting.

Peace and dementia episodes...

E Bandit