Enter vomit [here]...

So here's a post that I never really finished...it's more of an unfinished thought than a complete post...I'm trying to make up for the lack of posts so I'm gonna give you every incomplete thought I can incompletely think of.

Pet Nicknames

Names that you give your partner/spouse/significant other.  Where do I start with this...I just don't like them.  To clarify, I don't mind the actual act of giving them a nickname, I mind it when it is used publicly, for the world to hear - whether we want to or not.  Posting things about your "schmoopy woopy" on FaceHook as a "personal message" is...how do I put this lightly...repulsive?  Like many of my other pet peeves, I'm not exactly sure why I dislike it, the simple fact is that I do.  I've compiled a list of nicknames and rated them on a scale of 1 to 10.  1 being the least annoying and therefore, ok to use and 10 being the most nauseating nickname ever.  If you should find yourself using these nicknames within earshot of another human being, better think twice and consider the company and take note if someone gags &/or throws up in their mouth (or on your shoe) - it might be me.

hun - 1 it's a normal nickname.  It kind of comes out involuntarily.

hunny - 2  again, normal.

babe - 5 is appropriate in some occasions.

sugar - 6 how sweet.

buttercup - 7 no thanks.

boo - 7 pretty irritating.

baby - 8 not in public.

baby doll - 8 not so cute.

hunny bunny - 8 sick.  If you call me this, I might have to kick you.

munchkin - 8 only cute for kids. 

cupcake - 8 again, only cute for kids.

baby cakes - 9 doesn't make any sense!

snookums - 9 gross.

sugar lips - 9 yuck.

pooh bear - 9 how do you say that without vomiting?

poopsy - 9 that's not even cute for a kid.

bubba - 10 not until recently did this nickname enter my radar and I gotta say...it's not cute unless it's in the privacy of your own home.  And even then, it's iffy.  Although, for kids, it's fine.

schmoopy - 10 why?

schmoopy woopy - 12 no.

I know this couple and they use one of the nicknames a lot.  I'm sure you can guess which one it is.  It's pretty deeee-sgusting.  They're the kind of couple that likes to flaunt their relationship.  I'm not sure if it's to mask the fact that their relationship is far less than perfect (I've heard things).  I guess that's fine - they're in love, we get it.  I really just kind of wish I never noticed their PDA because it probably wouldn't bug me as much if I didn't bring it to my own attention but I don't have a time machine.     

Dear Unsatisfied Customer

[In response to previous post below]

Snee Zee Allergy, Inc.

4637 Pollen Lane

Grassville, Oklahoma

May 21, 2010

K. Bandit

Unknown Address

Dear Unsatisfied Customer:

We are committed to making you, the consumer, feel as though you are our number one priority.  It is our job to invade your system and create runny noses, itchy eyes and nasal congestion.  Without our services, you might actually enjoy the Spring and Summer seasons and this is against everything we believe in; we simply cannot allow it.  

We are unclear as to how you slipped past our radar for 26 years, but we can assure you, we have our best and brightest looking into it.  Do not fret - we will make up for lost time.  And to show that we mean business, we'll throw in some sinus pressure for good measure!

We hope to keep your business as long as possible.  As our dedicated staff works day and night to make sure you're as uncomfortable as you can possibly be, please help yourself to free samples of conjunctivitis [limit 2 per customer].

 Sincerly,

Team Allergene

Bringing you allergies since the dawn of time.

Dear Mr. Allergy

Ding Ding

FIGHT!

So the time is drawing closer.  I'm about to embark on another attempt at getting my Master's degree...  This aint no joke folks;  I'm for the reals gonna do it.  Now, whether I finish or not is as yet to be determined.

It seems as though grad school aint all bananas and dancing as one would be led to believe. [Quote is Trademarked and property of Boomerang Bandits.  It is not to be used by any persons not affiliated with the Boomerang Bandits Brand.]

If you're thinking about continuing your education, be S-M-R-T about it and consider your options.  Learn from my mistakes...

If you're burnt out from 4 (or 5) years of undergraduate...probably isn't a great idea to dive right into another 1 - 3 more years of school (depending on the intensity of your degree/program).  It'll drain your already dead battery beyond repair.

Do your research good and hard before considering what school you want.  Spare no expense!  You could end up in Clown University where you're taught by baboons and you're surrounded by No Talent Ass Clowns.  Witness the drawing below which I actually drew IN class WHILST surrounded by clowns as Professor Bananas attempted to explain various species of wood -- quite enthusiastically, I might add.

Any way you slice it, it's going to cost a fortune to become a "master" in your field.  Either find a company willing to foot the bill with you OR find the most expensive program you can find and take out the max student loans as possible.  SIMPLE LOGIC!  If you're going to go, might as well go for the best right?!? right? Ok so maybe it's faulty logic... When you're thinking about paying for school, paying for everything else never really enters your mind.  All you're concerned about is the Tuition.  But here comes Mr. Other Expenses waiting just around the corner ready to kick you square in the taco just as soon as you, yourself, have rounded said corner.  Oh Mr. M.O.E... I do hate you so.

Be for DAMN sure it is something you want to do before you go.  Because at the end of the day, when you're 46 years old and you've paid off only 40% of your student loans, if you're not doing what you've set out to do...you've just bought a house without actually buying a house.  I guess if this is the case, I'm the proud owner of a modest-sized fixer-upper and I'm lookin' to upgrade. 

There's a wee bit of positive in all of this though.  You not only walk away with a paper declaring your Mastery, you walk away with the shear satisfaction that you've completed (in my case) 23 YEARS of schooling.  All the projects, all the papers, all the sleepless nights, gallons upon gallons of soda and truck loads of Little Debbie snack cakes which you have convinced yourself is an honest meal - they have all lead to one moment of achievement.   You can take that tassle, show it who's boss and bring it on over to the other side with pride.  This is all good and well until you realize your loan statements are stalking you - ready to pounce once you think you're in the clear.  Not to worry though, I just read the Rules/Guidelines of mine and found out the following:

"Any debt not paid off after 25 years is forgiven"

Hells yeah!  You know what my first purchase will be if my student loans are forgiven?  A freakin' yacht!  A 50-ft, 3-story, gold-plated, diamond-encrusted yacht!

Of course, everyone's in a different situation - I can only speak from my experiences and what I have recently convinced myself as the only way to do it.  Aint no turnin' back.  I've made several deposits and several visits.  I even made it official and listed it on FaceHook...once it's on FH, it's for real.

I'm hoping I'll come up with great material in the years to come and I'll have this blog to share/vent.  My first round of grad school wasn't exactly a pleasant experience.  If we're speaking in Mortal Kombat fighting terms, as I'm pretty sure we have been, it was a K.O - Mortal Fatality.  It was a dazed-out spinning with birdies flying around my head, teeth on the floor, haven't even made a swing, KNOCK OUT.

 

AMAZING graphics!  I know!

I've always been good at repressing my memories and my brain, as backed up as it can get, is in the process of repressing round 1.  It was an all-around horrible experience for me.  Bad timing.  Bad Professors.  Bad Location.  Bad weather.  Bad company (with the exception of a few). Bad Financial Aid Advisor.   Bad program.  Baaaaad Baaaaad Baaaad 1st Semester Bill. Just...bad.

On that note, stay tuned for my adventures!  I'm sure there will be plenty to bitch about.

A Word from K Bandit

After our long, (unannounced) break, the Boomerang Bandits return with a word from our sponsor: the K Bandit.

The Brits

I have turned to the BBC since I have apparently exhausted my American TV options.  Pretty sad I know…  These shows are brass, honest and very sarcastic.  I have found a new love.  My favorite is the teen drama Skins.  I am also thoroughly enjoying Extras (with the Hilarious Ricky Gervais) and Doctor Who (A Sy Fy show that is made in the true SyFy fashion – with a great story lines, outrageous characters, and silly special effects).  From this exploration into this new entertainment venue, I have come to a very important conclusion.  The Brits have a much cooler vocabulary than we do.

My Favorites…

1.       Wanker – Why oh why do we not use this word in America.  It’s great!  You get to express the fact that this person is being a douche without sounding brass, using a body image (which us Americans so often turn to) or ignorant/offensive.

2.       Shag – I love how it rolls off of your tongue so nonchalantly and it is such a better way to express that action that they f-word.

3.       Splif – Just sounds better that joint.

4.       Flat – When you hear this word you automatically picture some cool studio loft in some awesome urban area.  What word do we use in its place: apartment.  The imagery that arises from this word is just not the same.

5.       Mate – “Me and by best mate are going out for some pints”.. Much cooler than “My friends and I are going out for some beers”.  No other explanation needed.

6.       Arse, Bum, Brilliant, Dodgy, Fancy, & Blimey  – Much more sophisticated  than our American Counter parts

7.       Bloody – This is a great accent word that the Brits tag onto anything to add a little umfff to their cursing or excitement.  Bloody Hell – freaking awesome.. I would love to use this but as an American without the cool accent I would probably sound silly.

Thank you youtube and BBC America (although sadly you edit it more than in the UK) for bringing these wonderful shows into my life.   

Signed,